Did you . . . ?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 10:23PM
blue in Relationships, Sex

On the couches of television hosts, between the covers of magazines, and within the walls of beauty salons, the importance of a man asking his woman how her day was has often been trumpeted.  Whether as a sign of honeyed affection, ("he always asks me what happened at work...") or as an indication that love's milk has soured, ("he doesn't even ask me how my day went anymore...") this question has often been deemed as one of the many things that a woman loves to hear

While I hate talking about the 8 (or more) working hours that have just elapsed, (for my Mondays through Fridays are generally packed with so much fuckery that all I really want to do at day's end is to caress the rim of a glass that is filled with ice and vodka) I appreciate the question.  I'd like to believe that it signals his genuine interest in my life, and that he's willing to risk losing up to an hour of his day listening to me bitch.  In the early stages of a relationship, (prior to him not knowing that I don't mind skipping this formality) his failure to ask this question definitely counts against him, but isn't necessarily fatal.

Eventually, though, there will be a question that, if left unasked, will flat-line the relationship: "Are you good?"  n.1

I was recently in a relationship with a man who never asked this question or any of its variations.  In the beginning, I thought that his failure to ask was due to having left him breathless...but I should have realized that this was one of the first indications that--at least with respect to all matters concerning me--he was simply selfish and lazy. 

I soon tried to coax him into asking about my satisfaction by questioning if he was, in fact, "good"--although he would generally acknowledge being in a state of perfect bliss without provocation.

 

I silently grew resentful.  Not because I expected to reach Nirvana after every encounter-but because his failure to inquire was direct evidence of his unwillingness to sweat it out with me and put in a little work.  When a man asks how a woman's day was, there is nothing that he can do to change what has already transpired.  But, when a man asks if a woman is satisfied, it shows a present willingness to take care of her.

Not wanting to seethe any longer, and desiring to give him the benefit of the doubt, on a late night car ride I bluntly asked him the question:  "Why haven't you ever ask me if I've ______?" His answer was delivered with a shrug: "I just assume that you haven't.  Women generally will tell a man if she has.

                                                       Ummm.... wow

So, he assumed that I wasn't "good" and was okay that that. 

This revelation spoke measures--not only about his feelings for me, but about him. 

 Shortly after that conversation, we parted ways...not because of this revelation--it was only one symptom in the company of many; the confluence of which resulted in the flat-lining of a relationship that, in reality, never was. 

He's a nice guy, though.  The next time I see him, there will be no cussing.  There will be no snickers.  There will be small talk. There will be pleasantries.  In fact, I'm sure that he'll ask me how my days have been since the last time.  I'll be sure to tell him that I'm good

 

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n.1.  Variants of this question include, but are not limited to:  Did you cum?  Did you come to fruition?  Did you bust?  Are you satisfied?  Did you climax?  Did you have an orgasm? 

 

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