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    « Post-Orgasmic Reflections: On Porn. | Main

    The Shortcomings of "Keeping it Real"

    The truth is overrated. 

    . . . Or, perhaps what I mean to say is that truth (like all good things) should be meted out gradually and with healthy doses of discretion and sense.

    Most women, at least the ones that I know, understand this; especially when it comes to their dealings with men.  The truth is that all of us Black girls (okay, those of us who don't have "blow" hair (n.1)) know that failing to wrap our tresses at night will result in certain tragedy the next day.  Yet, at least a few of my girlfriends, when dealing with that first sleep-over with a guy that they dig (n.2) will cast aside the silk scarf or nylon doo-rag (hereinafter, the "Rag") for one night (at a minimum).  Now, you had best believe that eventually the wrap will rear its ugly head . . . but only when it's safe to do so.  The truth of the nightly routine is borne gradually.

    One girl that I knew had this down to a science:  In the first stage of a relationship she painfully (and strategically) would do without the Rag.  Gradually, she would move on to wearing a cute bandanna:  At first at least 50% of her hair would remain in sight-but, over time, only a few tendrils will be allowed to escape. Eventually the ghetto Rag would emerge (n.3)

    n.1 Hair that blows in the wind without the assistance of chemicals and/or extreme heat.

    n.2 I should note that whether or not a girl fronts is sometimes in direct proportion to how much she's feeling a guy.  Chances are that if she only likes a dude a little, she doesn't care what he will think about the Rag.  Is the amount that we (both men and women) front proportionate to how much we "want" the other person?

    n.3 Years later this same girl got so comfortable with her man that, after many years, she would routinely keep the Rag AND shower cap on during sex.  She may look like crap during coitus, but she looks BANGIN' at work.


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    Reader Comments (1)

    I totally agree! It's so sad that as black women we feel compelled to try to reel a man in before we are completely ourselves. I suppose one can look at it as "bait and switch." I choose to look at it as being smart, smart enough to know that until a man is hooked on you, he's likely to walk away at even the smallest flaw. And unfortunately, even though we're taught that "black is beautiful," most men don't find beauty in kinky kitchens, hair wraps, or rollers.

    April 29, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZahra in DC

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